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Friday, October 3, 2008

Part two - Battle of the voices

Voice 1: Truth is, I am not sure I want to spend the rest of my life alone, truth is, I really do not believe I will ever find the crazy, tingling from head to toe kind of love I had for whatshisname eight years ago, truth is this is as good as it gets or isn't it?

Voice 2: I think you do not desire what he has to offer - at present. Your focus seems to be different. He seems to be coming on too strong and you are like, wtf?! Your perspective may change in time. Your relationship seems to have been based on half-truths at least on your part. You were escaping loneliness / lack of companionship. I may be wrong but fortunately for you, he IS a great guy, so doesn't look like you made a mistake. You've tried damage control, to warn him of your insanity, of your unconventional ideas and he still hangs on for dear life because he truly loves you. It seems you love him kind of the way a mom loves another woman's kid, you wouldn't like to see that kid get hurt.

Voice 1: That sounds so true, never thought of it like that myself.

Voice 2: You do not feel the 100%, I've found a soulmate kind of love. The someone who finishes off my sentences sort of love.

Voice 1: Isn't that how it should be before you go making commitments like getting engaged????!!!

Voice 2: The point is you are under no obligation to make a commitment. I know you feel pressured because you are engaged...

Voice 1: Everyone and I mean everyone and their brothers can't wait for the wedding!!!!!!!!!

Voice 2: Don't run off and get married just yet, wait and by the way don't run off in the opposite direction just yet either. Open up to him, let him fully appreciate there is no external ceremony that will cure what ails you. You love him but maybe you are not in love with him just yet.

Voice 1: No, it's not that simple, I WANT to be with him but I don't think I want to give everything of me to him. Let him in my space, in my life, in my head and completely in my heart, I've guarded my individuality, my heart and my independence too jealously all these years to willingly give any bit of it up at the sound of 'you may now kiss the bride'.

Voice 2: He may win you over in the future, he may not have done it now but it is looking likely. He is a GREAT guy, let's not lose sight of that.

Voice 1: Sometimes, when I feel like calling it off, I look into his eyes and realise the damage I'd be doing if I did that, I am not sure I can break his heart like that. I don't have it in me. I just can't. More pressure...

Voice 2: You may have a different view in future.

Voice 1: I feel untrue... I feel like I am living someone else's life, don't feel right. what if I don't feel differently in future? Should I like subject myself to a life of half-portions just because I wonder if anyone will ever be to me what I need. I also do not want to spend the rest of my life alone. Now I know what it really really feels like to be loved unconditionally, selfish, nearly-narcissistic me! :(

Voice 2: But he can be what you need, if you let him. He is ready. He is willing. He may not be there yet but that's part of what marriage is about, growing together in a secure relationship. I truly do not want you to regret any choices you make later on in life.

Voice 1: I don't know but I guess the eventual decision will have to be mine and will have to be something I can whole-heartedly accept. Don't worry, I won't regret whatever choices I make.

Voice 2: You are right the decision is yours.

17 more steps:

Kafo said...

i know i am NOT first but anyway

this is real
i am in a similiar yet slightly different situation, i was talking to my uncle last week and he said, do not ever settle when you are still fully in love with 1234 and I am like well if we are on different continents it doesn't matter and he said yes it does

so i'm thinking maybe it's a heart thing you started off by saying something along the lines of WHAT I FELT 8 YEARS AGO WITH WHATHISNAME so maybe a part of you needs to fully resolve those emotions and feelings before you can trully move on

engagement isn't marriage, i mean in naija it IS but to God it isn't
so goood luck

But I Care said...

Am first!
You are putting yourself under way too much pressure, relax!

NigerianDramaQueen said...

First!!!I think...

Listen to the silent voice. The silent one that could be as loud as the madness if you listen to it. It's there...hiding in your soul. It's there telling you-that the kind of love you truly want is possible!

Just wanted to stop by and say a huge thank you for the honorable mention for the honest blogger award! Im so so greatful. Iv been a horrible blogger recently due to my school work so Im just catching up with comments and posts. I'll be back here soon.

poeticallytinted said...

You are all first in my heart. (yeah, i get cornier by the second)

@Kafo: Thanks so much for dropping and thanks for the encouraging words. Even if I'm being a whiny baby.

@but I care: I know... thanks for stopping by.

@NDQ: Howze the swotting going? Hope great. All the best and thanks for dropping by.

TY Tha Mos Magnificent said...

hmmmmmmmmm

poeticallytinted said...

@TY- how eloquent! lol

Stani said...

Hey! Listen to the good words of NigerianDramaQueen - the Silent still voice will never get you in the wrong direction. Its a drag being alone, but its even a worse case scenario to be stuck with a loveless situation.

poeticallytinted said...

@Stani, Thanks. I am listening oh...

OluwaDee said...

"he can be what you need, if you let him... He may not be there yet but that's part of what marriage is about, growing together"

Hold on to this (stmt above) cos its so true.

That complete your sentence kind of love, is not a kind of love.
Rabbi doesn't complete my sentences, n I dont complete his either.

Relatk, and take things one step at a time.

Afronuts said...

whatever happens, listen and follow any voice that gives u peace inside!

U'll succeed...

Turumarth said...

I quote and agree:

ty tha mos magnificent said...
hmmmmmmmmm

:)

Hey, I could have said, "Oh, just ditch him and run off with me!" so be thankful for what you get. Due to (and in spite of) my bias I will only stick to commenting on your poetry from now on. (hint: not to be insensitive, but when can we expect some?)

I know you; you'll do the right thing, in the end.(Okay, I lied, there's another comment for ya!) :)

poeticallytinted said...

@Afronuts: thanks for the nice words
@turumarth: soon... i actually wrote one that you may like immensely... (suspense :))

poeticallytinted said...

@Afronuts: thanks for the nice words
@turumarth: soon... i actually wrote one that you may like immensely... (suspense :))

Standtall said...

Thank God I have met you and I know that u will eventually do what is right for u. No matter the confusion or the uncertainty now. U will not make a mistake in any decision u make later cos u r one alluva lady (hope that word is rightly used o)

Mi-lady look into Stiggy eyes and he will assure you that u will make the right decision when the time comes.

One love my dear

poeticallytinted said...

Thanks mi dear. Hope you feel much better.

Telekinesys said...

I love the banter between reason and compromise.Beautifully portrayed.Often times races are determined by how we start, but often times surprises avail.

And you will hear a voice behind you saying, this is the way, to the left or right.........

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