Monday, February 9, 2009

Things that made me go - HUH?!

My neighbor and her prayers:

· I live on the ground floor and my neighbor on the apartment over mine is quite a zealous Christian. Her zeal is displayed in several ways. The loudest display is evident when she chooses to pray at 12 midnight. Sometimes these loud prayer sessions last for 3hours at a stretch. My neighbor goes into a religious frenzy and stamps her feet repeatedly and consistently all through the tongue speaking religious vehemence filled session. What’s my issue?
· On weekdays, I am forced to wake up at 4.00am -4.30am because traffic on third mainland can be vicious anytime after 6.00am. I get home quite late because sometimes I decide to wait out the rush hour traffic. So I get roughly about 4hrs precious sleep time each weekday! Imagine how it would feel to have to lie awake during these precious 4hours listening to your neighbour practically bring the house down in the name of prayer!@##$%^&&!

My gateman’s money grabbing stunts:

· My neighbours and I employed a new soft spoken gateman. Dude was quite nice and clean. His job was to open and close the gate, lock the gate at night and unlock it in the mornings, wash the cars and empty the trash. My neighbors and I worked out a payment scheme for this guy. 1k for washing the car and I think 2 for the job. So everyone gets to dole out 3k+ at the end of the month. One early in the morning at the ungodly hour I wake up to go to work. Gateman accosts me as am about to get in the car and says: “Madam, dem say make you bring money for dustbin”. I rave a little about how he should’ve told me yesterday and not early in the morning and by the way “who be dem”?
“This aunty wey dey live for up and the one wey dey live for down”
So I give him 1K and I tell him “dis one go last you oh, no dey ask person for money early in the morning you hear?!”
Imagine my shock when I learnt that we had already included the money for emptying the bin in his monthly payment and the whole “aunty give me money” thing was his own little scam in his own little world! Needless to say I deducted the 1k from his salary for the month with a stern warning that a repeat will land him in Panti police station. @##$%^&!

The guy who follows me home at 11.00pm:

· See me see wahala oh. I was on my way home one night. It was actually about 11.00pm when I got to my part of town when I noticed a car trailing me. There had been extraordinary traffic that dady. From the headlamps I could make out it was a Mercedes 190. At first, I chided myself for my over active imagination but decided to take a few illogical turns that if you were going anywhere reasonable you ‘d have no reasons to take. When the car stuck behind me like a heat seeking missile I panicked. I decided to drive past my street to the nearest police post. Luckily there was one not too far away and I drove straight there. The car continued to trail me in hot pursuit. When I got the police post I slowed down and the car pulled up beside me. The driver wound down and was saying something to me. I couldn’t make out what he was saying so I simply told the policeman that the man in that car had been following me and I have no idea who he was! Immediately the policemen sprang into action. They ordered him to come down from his car and asked why he was trailing me. His answer was “I saw her and I liked her and I wanted to get to know her, I have been following her since”. The perplexed policeman asked where he knew he was following me to. “To her husband’s house?!” and the guy repeated his logic. So the confused policemen simply held him back and asked me to go home!@#$$%!!!!!!!!!!

I spoke to my neighbour as nicely as I could about her loud praying and she has either toned down or moved the party to another room. At least she didn't assume I was a witch and her prayers were "disturbing" me. lol.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Love hurts

My heart looks on
Pried swiftly
Swept up in
This energy

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Is it true?

Okay peeps, I promised to put you out of your misery. So here's the truth at last.

Last week I was tagged to write three statements about myself, 2 had to be lies and 1 true:
these were the statements:

1. I tried to kill myself sometime in the past
2. I've got natural kinky african hair, no perms, no waves, no weaves
3. I used to think I was a lesbian

Standy, Earl, Temite, Afro, Miss Sula, Ty and Woomie all thought 1 was the lie. For some reason most people didn't think I would have ever resorted to wanting to kill myself... hmmm

MDM, NDQ, Kafo and Oluwadee, didn't think my hair would be natural, I wonder why...

Stanis was torn between 1 and 3 and FFF was definite 3 was true

Bumight, Fineboy Agbero's old flame was quite certain 3 was the lie...

Okay here's the truth...

1. is true: I tried to kill myself once in the past. Fed myself a small handful of my cousin's prescripton sleeping pills hoping to slip away in my sleep. The point to this exercise was to end what I considered then unbearable pain. This was some years ago, I have come a looong way since then. I probably really didn't want to die because it was a bit comical, i took so much time between pills that I slept off before i got to a dose that could've killed me... lol. No, I don't think I am suicidal.

2 is true: I wear my hair in dreadlocks or "dreadful locks" whichever it is to you. No perms, no waves, no weaves, no chemicals...

3 is a LIE: I have NEVER been unsure of my sexual orientation or which way it was I swung. For some reason, right from when I was seven I knew I liked boys (for the voyeurs reading this, I didn't experiment with them till i was a decent age)... Never thought of a girl in a sexual way, never felt like squeezing a girls boobs, never kissed a girl and liked the taste of her cherry chapstick... ok I am quite sure you get it now.

So that's all folks! Will put up a proper update soon. And will do blogrounds later today.

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