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Monday, July 21, 2008

Panting for more

These thoughts of mine they come and go
Like massive waves they ebb and flow
Sharing it all
Baring it all
Leave you panting for more
Till we float to shore

I was going to blog about something extremely exciting today. Aim – to have you coming back to this page everyday, but something changed all that. I found out a very close friend had passed on and all those things I was going to write about just seemed mega-frivolous compared to this. You know, like writing about pet-peeves right now just seems so inconceivable. Forgive me but this is going to be one of those tributes to someone who touched my life in ways I didn’t know was possible and seem to have affected me even more in death. So here goes...

B,

Soul Sis, I met you by chance at that totally whacked out fashion show, remember? By a stroke of fate I found myself sharing a table with you and your dreadlocks (after I’d changed tables like four times). You remember how we made fun of the level of mediocrity at that show. Whilst I got upset I’d spent all that money to watch people misbehave, you kept laughing and at a point I couldn’t help it I had to see the funny side and let you infect me with your fun-loving spirit. Strangely, for that was maybe the first time in my life I warmed up to a total stranger almost instantly. Eventually B, it turned out to be money well spent. For now I know I was priviledged to have met you that night, seeing as you had very little time left.

All those times you visited, the parties, kept at me, kept telling me you loved me. I used to wonder how it was that being affectionate was second nature for you. There were times I wished I was that way and I told you as much. I knew you had your pain but you never let them keep you down. How did you do it? I don’t know. It would have been so easy for you to be bitter but you chose not to be. You chose to live your life to the fullest. I am glad you did for some people will live to be 90 but will never know the joy you knew in just two decades.

I am sorry I wasn’t the kind of friend I could have been. I am sorry I chose to be the other kind. The kind who assumes her friends will always be there. Forgive me sweetie, I am sure you have for that was your nature.

You have left me panting for more sweetie. My heart is so broken right now. A lump of pain and regret. Yes B, regret.

Stay warm. 'Love you.

Me.

4 more steps:

TWayne said...

Sigh.....

"Don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you've got till it's gone" -- I hope I got the lyrics to the Janet Jackson song correctly. If not... "idea is need".

B for Babes, I am in total shock... I thought I would cry a lot but all i've done so far (apart from being numb) is smile... Because that's what I know you would want. You were always full of them.

I know you're in a better place. And I know you're looking down on us right and saying right now Don't worry... it is well..."

God bless you Babes...

Standtall said...

so so deep my sis

Anonymous said...

Good point, though sometimes it's hard to arrive to definite conclusions

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