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Tuesday, July 22, 2008

PMS Series - In The Face of Male Insensitivity


This will be the first in the PMS series, dedicated to all soul sisters out there. There will also be:

• In the face of male passivity
• In the face of male smugness
• In the face of male loving

I read an excerpt from a book some years back that went something like this,
“men and women are two sides of a coin, one cannot exist without the other, there will be conflicts, but we need to meet at some point in order to foster social order

…or something like that.

The only verse in the bible that my fiancé likes to quote is “Husbands, LEARN to live with your wives…” of course with the emphasis on “learn”.

As far as he is concerned, to live a successful and conflict free life with the female specie you require some kind of specialized training. Maybe Harvard should offer that course and make a man the Dean of studies and let’s see just how far that gets them.

I used to say that maybe the world would be better if we women found a way to exterminate all the men, became lesbians and cloned each other for posterity. You’ll see we will stop worrying about nuclear threats, wars, global warming, energy distribution and gender discrimination (obviously). But I guess, I lost my rights to making such frightfully incensing statements since I got engaged – to a man (thought I’d clear that up).

Male insensitivity. What does a woman really want? Tough question yeah? You know why it’s tough my dear brothers? It is because different women want different things. How come that never occurred to anyone? All those people writing books and giving lectures on how to treat a woman. All those people telling how women are from one end of Venus and Men from another galaxy altogether! Who told you we want the same things? Who told you we… I am beginning to foam in the mouth.

(Deep Breath) Now the one thing all women seem to want in equal amounts is for a man to magically be able to tell what it is they actually want. There’s a name for it, sensitivity.
Why is it such a big deal to see a grown man cry? Why do we not expect men to outwardly express grief and love?

One school of thought attributes this to nurture. Let me explain, all their lives men are more or less beaten into shape to attain exemplary male attributes. If you don’t know what I am talking about please watch the movie “300” and you’ll understand clearly. Men are taught to suppress emotions, tears and any such signs of weakness from a very early age. Imagine a group of boys playing soccer, if one of them gets hurt, he isn’t allowed to start shedding tears. What kind of silly girl would he look like? Over the years all these training crystallize and turn them into the men you and I eventually get married to. How do you expect men like these to be remotely in touch with their emotions?

There is another school of thought which stipulates that men are actually too sensitive and that’s why they keep their sensitivity under wraps so they don’t get hurt! You see, they have to be completely insensitive in order to survive. A bit convoluted but it gives me some sort of perverse pleasure to be told I am stronger than a man. They say it’s been scientifically proven that men have higher levels of stress hormones than women! Aha! If I catch a man make fun of PMS ever again…!

Sadly, my better sense tells me that men are whatever they wish to be. Men know what their women need. Trust me, they know. They hide under the cloak of insensitivity. Well, you see it’s not their fault, you think they are insensitive and you call them insensitive so they will be insensitive to please you. You got a problem with that?

You see that beautiful dress you were eyeing at the shop and going on about how beautiful it was and how you can’t afford it because it was a bit too expensive and how you’ve been trying to keep your spending in check. How you kept saying that knowing he’s just been paid a huge unexpected allowance. Trust me, he knew what you were driving at but being insensitive made more sense at the time.

So if you are female, don’t be buying it okay? He knows he just doesn’t want you to know he knows.

8 more steps:

Anonymous said...

Wonder why no-one's commented on this... (grinning evilly while adroitly ducking vicious slap from the author)

Adorable said...

I know who you are!!! And you will not escape my wrath!! But then, you are one brave man!

Anonymous said...

How could you know who I am? It says "anonymous"! Look, if anything happens to me you will see O! :)

Standtall said...

First time here and I ma loving it!!! Your comment on t "What Have You Done For Me Lately?"led me here. You really did justice to that post. I heart you.

I am a feminist, born and bred in Nigeria and I anaylse a lot of issues like the one you just raised.
I am married and my beau knows God told him to love his wife the way Jesus loves the church.

I am sure that a lot of bloggers would have loved to contribute to your discussion had they known about yoru blog.... you may want to visit as many blogs as possilbe to build traffic to your blog

Back to the issue at hand, a lot of men had been told to act in certain ways no thanks to our culture and orientation. I once said that though men are made to believe they own the world, let all the women who are still the cooks till date posion all their men, then we will know who trully owns the world.

Our men need orientation, they need to know it is okay tobe sensitive, to cry if they need to, to display emotion and to be sensitive to women.

I heart you for speaking the truth!!!

Standtall said...

I am subscribing to you blog right away and I will add it on my blog role. You are one brave woman!!!

Check out this blog http://blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com/ and hope you wil lvisit mine too

Free-flowing Florida said...

dis is too funny! & i do agree dat men like 2 hide behind dat 'men r insensitive' thing, cos i've found dat my fiance (or should i say my husband) has learnt dat such insensitivity will not be tolerated or tot cute, so he has rearranged himself. but i suppose he does have a hard time at times knowing what i want - cos they change by d second

poeticallytinted said...

@ fff: lol, i like 'rearranged himself'. Before nko? According to my friend 'you need to re-train men. you won't believe the stuff they grew up believing!!!! (No be me talk am oh, na my friend)

Anonymous said...

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