Wednesday, July 30, 2008

PMS Series (2) - In the Face of Male Passivity

I find it slightly amusing how everyone seems to have read the first post in the PMS Series (In the face of male insensitivity) but have also refused to make a comment on it. It's like they are almost afraid to open a can of worms - very funny. I don't care about can of worms. Don't know if you know but where I come from there are some edible worms. I eat worms for fun! Yum Yum. So, ladies and gentlemen (sweeping gesture accompanied by pomp and pageantry) dig in with me as I dish up the second course in our worm fiesta.

Male passivity – what do I mean? (btw, I hate it when people speak or write like this, it reminds me of school, you know how professors talk as if the rest of us are retards. So I type “Male passivity – what do I mean?” with my tongue in my cheek and a huge grin”). To understand my thinking we should think of the closest antonym for passive and that’s ‘proactive’. The word proactive to me suggests being practical, hands on, and even pre-empting solutions before challenges occur. How come a normally active man, especially when the required activity is supposed to occur somewhere in the midst of four posts, suddenly becomes inactive just when you need him.

Here are some scenarios:

1. You’ve got your screaming one year old slung over one arm, your usually angelic three year old yanking at your skirts, putting you in danger of toppling over, amidst all these you are trying to stir a pot of steaming bubbling soup and hoping you don’t get any of the hot soup on the three of you. The man in your life is sitting in front of the TV watching sports and drinking beer.
2. You’ve both driven in three hours of terrible traffic after a hard day at the office. All you can think of is a long soak in the bathtub with that new aroma-therapy stress relieving foam bath you just purchased and the moment you walk in the door, dude starts demanding dinner knowing fully well there’s nothing remotely instantly microwavable. I mean, he ate everything the night before and all you got for your troubles was a loud burp!

Okay, I know what you are thinking now, you think I have painted unflattering and exaggerated pictures of man’s passivity. Well, don’t get me wrong, this is the same man who’ll bring you breakfast in bed, who’ll scrub your back when you can’t reach it, who’ll carry the shopping bags after you hectically picked out the groceries…! I know your next question is - then what are you complaining about?

These men pick the most inopportune moment to become what they know best “men”. Why do you think he brings you breakfast in bed? Because he needs you to stay in bed for the next hour or two and doesn’t want the fact that you need to make breakfast distract you. Why does he scrub your back? D’uh. Okay now you think you’ve got me, why does he carry the shopping bags?? Because what better way to show the world what a great guy he is!!! Notice how he dumps them on the kitchen table for you to unpack the moment you both walk through the door.

I know women are biologically enabled to bear children. That’s the one thing men never let us forget. If they can look past that one fact for a moment, maybe they’ll notice that women are not especially endowed biologically to maybe hold kitchen spoons or change diapers and stuff. You know I look at my hands again and notice that it’s not as if it is curved in a special way for these tasks. So what’s up dudes? Pull your own weight if you please.

Why do I hear approaching cries of “crucify her, crucify her”?

13 more steps:

TWayne said...

LOL!!!!! Miss Neborah, you sound like you have a score to settle with your man. I better invite guys to this blog. Let them hang you for these words...

Adorable said...

You are not a serious somebody! Please bring it on! I have friends in low places oh!

As for my man and I, let's just say we've come to an amicable compromise in most things and that's cos he's just wonderful.

But then, I am biased cos I love him loads.

Turumarth said...

First off, "crucify her"?!? Lady, please! This is the 21st century. Nowadays a bullet to the back of the head is the preferred method. I mean, crucifixion is sooo BC. Even if you wanted to get fancy there's always the (recently much publicized) plutonium poisoning route.

Now, to the meat on the bone (or whatever matter-at-hand metaphor you prefer). Typically, I don't criticize or comment on prose. But, seeing as you plan to inflict four (!) of these things on us I might as well speak up and enlighten you now before you do more damage to your public persona (see, I can be sensitive and preempt your needs; though you probably won't see it that way).

The insensitivity, the passivity, the smugness and yes, even the love are all aspects of the same thing: preserving The Status Quo. What do I mean? (had to use it since you hate it) Male Dominance!

We've worked too damn hard and too damn long to become the ruling gender to let you lot come and take it away now. If we start to act the way you seem to want it would be tantamount to equality and we can't have that now, can we? I mean, who throws away a winning hand? Duh!

So, in simple terms it's all just a way to keep having things our way. Look at your scenarios for example:

Guy ignores his lady looking at (drooling over) dress in store. Why? Cos he don't wanna be the one to pay for it.

Guy uses TV as excuse to not notice wife requires assistance with (a) kids or (b) cooking. Why? Cos he don't wanna work.

Guy demands dinner from wife who he knows is at least as tired as him. Why? Cos he'd rather somebody else but him did the work!

Hope that's cleared it up for ya. BTW, keep an eye in the back of your head; that bullet might be closer than you think, you rabble-rouser.

PS: "Closest antonym"? Sounds like a contradiction in terms to me, Fangface. :) Come on, you knew I wouldn't let you get away with ALL the typos and grammaticals...

Turumarth said...

Now that that bit of unpleasantness is out of the way, I think we're about due for some poetry. Please?

Adorable said...

You'll get poetry when I please. lol. My goodness! It got to you didn't it? Guess what? it's not over yet. You're in for a long rocky ride.

Male dominance, that is soooo pre-homo sapien!!!! Welcome to the new order where you may be forced to beat your head against the wall in anguish.
And what typos and errors did you see? Obviously you never paid for those spectacles abi?

Standtall said...

Hey mi-lady, why would anyone curify you for being objective? My beau cooks same as I do. He washes and we share a lot of chores. We both contibute financially to our home. I dont believe in being the taker. We must both make it work. And I am not a slave but a partner. See?

"I know women are biologically enabled to bear children. That’s the one thing men never let us forget. If they can look past that one fact for a moment, maybe they’ll notice that women are not especially endowed biologically to maybe hold kitchen spoons or change diapers and stuff...". You are so correct on this.

These days people are evn coming to the understanding that having children is secondary to coming together as friends and partners.

B4 hubby and I got married, we both listed down our expcetation and sort out and reach an agreement. We set our goals and discuss how we want thigns to run.

We need to spot thinking is our duties to spoon feed our men. They must be ready to go extra miles too to make thier marriage work. And for me marriage is not a do or die affair...I can walk if need be...

I am seeing a lot of commercial or advert that are reinforcing the roles of caretakers for our women and I wonder how on earth this could still be in the 21st centurry.

I heart you for being a deep thinking and elightened woman!!!

Standtall said...

@Turumarth: Ah yes, we can have equality. We need not give up. They have turned God's words aorund ,when he said he created them male and female to dominate the earth. That is equality from God and we must claim it. We must demand it and we need to do that in our relationship as well

Adorable said...

Hear that "turumarth" hope you got that. or was it too complicated? lol.

Thanks babes. Just came from your page.

Yeah, we'll be rolling...

Standtall said...

Yes, I saw your comment. Thanks dearie. I have have seen all the comments form the deleted post. I need to figure out, how to put them all back.

About cats: if you are a cat lover, you will surely find it easy to care for one as well as the cat caring for you. If you trully want one, email me at

Standtall said...

You may want to read some of these past post I did on gender issues.


Free-flowing Florida said...

OMG!!!! am so loving u right now!!!!! gosh, u've reminded me 2 'encourage' my man 2 do more around d house. damn! & 2 think i'd been making all those excuses 4 him!

poeticallytinted said...

fff... luv you too. mwah!(big and wet) :)

Morgana said...

Keep up the good work.

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