PMS series (3) - In the face of male smugness

How una dey? Forgive me for not posting any of my PMS rantings for a while. It was due to nature. Imagine! I tried to fit into one pair of bikini bottoms I used to wear like 2years ago, thank God it fit oh! but d tin almost tear my nyansh into two.
So I have gone on a crash chinese-torture 10wk diet plan, where all I'm allowed to eat is air and water! (If you open dat your teeth ehn...!) AND exercise from morning till night. I call it 'operation bonga-fish'. I even changed my fb profile picture to one very lekpacious girl cartoon (see pic) to inspire me. God pass dem! But then I digress...

Now to the business at hand. Men are smug beings. The world is supposed to revolve around them and when it doesn't? - credible threat to world peace. Now to be fair to men, not all of them are like this but when they are, they reeeeeeaaaaallly are.

This one goes out to all the men who would LOVE for our worlds to revolve around them. Men, funny beings, they ASSUME you want to call them at 1.00am on a Friday night to find out where they are. They ASSUME you will go ga-ga if you saw that chic's number on his dialled numbers list. They ASSUME you'd be unable to run your life properly if they weren't there. They KNOW you'll cry buckets if they left you. These are the men that absolutely hate songs like 'Independent woman', 'I will survive' and 'Take a bow'.

You know something funny, these kind of men always act like 'omigosh-she's-always-up-in-my-b'iness'. But they love the attention, they can't live without it. They need it like tilapia needs sea water. You should hear them at the club, 'my woman'll soon call, why can't she just sleep and leave me alone' (tip: if you don't call they'll pretend you did and hold the phone to their ears and yell at a phantom caller to leave them alone, they'll be home when they please!). I used to have a boyfriend who'll get upset when I don't get upset about his numerous other women! Imagine! He'll say to me 'if you cared a little about me you'll care that I've got other women'. They need their women to be insecure so they can provide security. You've got to fuel that ego or else... Some women do just that, feed that ego so there'll be peace. The problem is the ego just keeps growing humongous. It's just another pissing contest, they actually measure who's more in control of his ward (you know, his woman). You have to feed him, listen to him even if you don't want to talk, tend his every need and let him be 'the man' in public, while he sits there with a smug smile.

Ok, mister, this is what a woman wants from her man, support not dominance, respect not disrespect. She wants you to listen and recognise that she's her own person with her own views, opinions, wants, desires, ambition and above all, life. She may be with you but guess what? She's still an individual, it's not like you guys are conjoined at the hips now. There's no need for you to monitor her every move or even do everything for her. Sometimes we actually don't want your advice even if in your infinite wisdom we are about to make a grave mistake. Yeah, believe it or not. We would like to make our own mistakes and not yours. We would love to see you happy all the time, but you know sometimes, we have PMS, bad day at work, mood swings or even just don't feel like it. Maybe you should find something else to do, how about that sport station you are always intent on watching the moment we switch to fashion TV? Sometimes we don't want to have a conversation, sometimes we don't want to cook and no this is no revolution or women liberation thing going on and we don't want another car... we are only human.

Don't mean to be mean but some dudes need to realise there are 'two people' in that relationship and some women need to learn to be who they are supposed to be. You need to look for that balance, I am all for mutual respect and support in a relationship, I guess that's why we do it in the first place. That's what love should bring.