Dark clouds
Come together
Forming screaming faces
As tormented skies…
Bleed in harmony
To a dirge
Heard in the distance
Gnarled hands
Ending in talons
Squeezing wheezing tissue
As crushed hearts…
Bleed in harmony
To a dirge
Heard in the distance
Dull exodos*
Concludes this being
Ending living agony
As sliced veins
Bleed in harmony
To a dirge
Heard in the distance
*exodos: in Greek drama, the final scene; in tragedy , it is the action following the final stasimon (choral ode); in comedy it is the final. (www.answers.com/exodos)
Come together
Forming screaming faces
As tormented skies…
Bleed in harmony
To a dirge
Heard in the distance
Gnarled hands
Ending in talons
Squeezing wheezing tissue
As crushed hearts…
Bleed in harmony
To a dirge
Heard in the distance
Dull exodos*
Concludes this being
Ending living agony
As sliced veins
Bleed in harmony
To a dirge
Heard in the distance
*exodos: in Greek drama, the final scene; in tragedy , it is the action following the final stasimon (choral ode); in comedy it is the final. (www.answers.com/exodos)
11 more steps:
Oh...this makes me feel sad...I like happy endings and no bleeding :(
oh, how melacholy.
Nice.
I like this. The uncanny thing is I wrote something of a similar vein many years ago. I like yours better though, more lyrical and succinct.
@rita: awww don't be sad...
@solomsydelle: yes isn't it? I set out meaning to write a bright and cheery poem and end up writing sad ones. How sad. I dreamt this one...
@Naapali: Really? now you have to show me!
One word........... Beautiful
I will as soon as I find it. I wrote in on a long flight, in the blank pages of an edition of Granta.
One word? Nah... let's do 2. Spooky and Scary! Is this because Halloween is round the corner?
Ah, found a title, eh?
K, you know what I think about the first 2 stanzas already, so no need to big you up in front of your 'adoring' fans... :)
Music and pain... isn't that familiar.
Is that an allusion to suicide in the last stanza? That would be surprisingly unusual for you; even considering how dark your stuff generally gets.
Again, though, I have to commend the structure. Very tight and almost formulaic with just enough difference in word/syllable count between the same lines in each stanza to save it from monotony. Though you might have tweaked the motif a little for the last three lines of the final stanza.
Anyway, bias firmly in place and with no apologies, I like it. Glad to see you're back to the dark stuff: brings out the best (worst) in you :)
yeah, is this halloween fever?
Hey, how now?
I especially like the repetition of:
"Bleed in harmony
To a dirge
Heard in the distance"
Very fluid. Me likey! Me likey alot!
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