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Thursday, October 16, 2008

Exodos


Dark clouds
Come together
Forming screaming faces
As tormented skies…
Bleed in harmony
To a dirge
Heard in the distance

Gnarled hands
Ending in talons
Squeezing wheezing tissue
As crushed hearts…
Bleed in harmony
To a dirge
Heard in the distance

Dull exodos*
Concludes this being
Ending living agony
As sliced veins
Bleed in harmony
To a dirge
Heard in the distance




*exodos: in Greek drama, the final scene; in tragedy , it is the action following the final stasimon (choral ode); in comedy it is the final. (www.answers.com/exodos)

11 more steps:

Rita said...

Oh...this makes me feel sad...I like happy endings and no bleeding :(

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

oh, how melacholy.

Nice.

Naapali said...

I like this. The uncanny thing is I wrote something of a similar vein many years ago. I like yours better though, more lyrical and succinct.

poeticallytinted said...

@rita: awww don't be sad...
@solomsydelle: yes isn't it? I set out meaning to write a bright and cheery poem and end up writing sad ones. How sad. I dreamt this one...
@Naapali: Really? now you have to show me!

Oracle said...

One word........... Beautiful

Naapali said...

I will as soon as I find it. I wrote in on a long flight, in the blank pages of an edition of Granta.

TWayne said...

One word? Nah... let's do 2. Spooky and Scary! Is this because Halloween is round the corner?

Turumarth said...

Ah, found a title, eh?

K, you know what I think about the first 2 stanzas already, so no need to big you up in front of your 'adoring' fans... :)

Music and pain... isn't that familiar.

Is that an allusion to suicide in the last stanza? That would be surprisingly unusual for you; even considering how dark your stuff generally gets.

Again, though, I have to commend the structure. Very tight and almost formulaic with just enough difference in word/syllable count between the same lines in each stanza to save it from monotony. Though you might have tweaked the motif a little for the last three lines of the final stanza.

Anyway, bias firmly in place and with no apologies, I like it. Glad to see you're back to the dark stuff: brings out the best (worst) in you :)

Standtall said...

yeah, is this halloween fever?

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

Hey, how now?

NigerianDramaQueen said...

I especially like the repetition of:
"Bleed in harmony
To a dirge
Heard in the distance"

Very fluid. Me likey! Me likey alot!

 
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